This column followed a rash of petty vandalism incidents in Kemptville, where I work. Kinda surprised I didn't get my tires slashed for this one.
By Christopher Hofley
Word of Mouth -- published July 20, 2007
A quick message to the (presumably) teenagers spray painting orange anarchy logos all over town: way to stick it to the man with your powerful message of social change.
Just kidding. What, I mean to say is, what’s wrong with you? Seriously.
I realize, as someone who is not that far removed from his teenaged years, that vandalism can provide a cheap thrill. It can be seen, I suppose, as a way of doing something your parents wouldn’t approve of and a way of saying "ha ha, got ya!" to adult authority.
But I can assure you, and I’m speaking to the town’s orange spray-paint can-wielding little artists, if you take a second and think about these clever little attempts to give grownups the finger, it will eventually occur to you that you are acting like an immature little brat.
No, you are not cool. No, the smarter of your peers don’t look at you and see a dangerous, livin’ on the edge outlaw. They see a poor, troubled child with mommy and daddy issues.
And also, the whole anarchy symbol thing really doesn’t say much for your originality, my friends. It’s been done. We’re also no longer in the midst of the punk-rock movement of the 1970’s, so most people probably don’t know what you’re talking about, just that you might be a little overly fond of the letter A.
Also, if these darling perpetrators of this graffiti know the actual meaning of the anarchy symbol, I would be pretty impressed.
So, let me just recap quickly. So far we have established that:
• You are not cool
• You are not smart
• This is not the quickest way for you to find a girlfriend/boyfriend
• You are painting a symbol that you don’t know the meaning of
• I don’t think the anarchy symbol has ever been done in orange
• You are in no way original.
Also, for future reference, spray paint graffiti, stolen street signs, thrown eggs and toilet-papering has been done (probably by your parents which makes it even less cool) and you are not winning any points by redoing them
So, children, if the planets are aligned, there is a blue moon overhead and you happen to be reading this (it’s called a newspaper, you should read it more often), understand this: it’s time to grow up and use your time a little more constructively.
Try researching the anarchy symbol and the whole anarchy movement. Write a paper on it and impress your teachers. Try being more of an intellectual and less of a criminal, it will do you a lot of good and keep you out of the back of a police cruiser.
I’m going to finish this rant with a little message to the parents of these "artists". Keep track of your kids. Yes, I realize, you are currently sitting reading this and muttering "come on Chris, you may be very smart and handsome, but kids will be kids." While I appreciate the compliments and do agree that kids will be kids to a certain extent, letting them run wild with a can of spray paint is not going to earn you any mother/father of the year awards.
If you know your child is taking part in any of this sort of behaviour, do something about it. Next time the classic television newsline of "It’s 11 o’clock, do you know where your children are?" pops into your brain, give the answer some thought. If you don’t know where they are, find out, and stop the spread of this anarchy.
Monday, August 27, 2007
How I saved money on my car insurance by not doing anything
No one can really claim to understand the inner-workings of car insurance companies...
By Christopher Hofley
Word of Mouth -- Published July 24, 2007
I’ve admitted it in this column before but there are certain situations that just leave me feeling baffled.
I currently find myself in such a situation: head-scratchingly so but in a good way.
I’m not pondering the existence of God, nor am I dissecting complicated algebra equations.
Instead, I have spent the last few days wondering why I am suddenly saving money on car insurance.
No, I didn’t switch to Geico. I can’t be that easily swayed by annoying and repetitive commercials. However, I apparently managed to permanently (I think) reduce my car insurance costs by seemingly doing everything in my power to make it go up.
Not intentionally, of course, but my track record when traveling by car isn’t exactly going to get me nominated by the Ministry of Tranportation’s sainthood program.
Though I’ve never caused a car accident, I have had to file a couple of insurance claims in the past to cover damage to my car (not my fault, honest). I have also had one or two speeding tickets (or four), one of which came courtesy of a Kemptville OPP officer on VanBuren Street (I know, you think I have written enough about speeding problems on that street to know better).
That last ticket, the Kemptville one, somehow managed to escape my mind for a few months, until the ministry thought it time to give me a kick in the bumper and sent me a warning.
Then it escaped my mind for a couple more months until, on one day when it was absolutely necessary for me to use my vehicle, I got yet another notice. Not a warning this time; my license had been officially suspended.
Yep, that was a pretty good day.
Anyway, it took me a few days to get it back–those of you who saw me walking around town for a couple days will understand—and I like to think the whole experience taught me a lesson. I just figured my insurance was going to go up.
Apparently not. In fact, I just learned the other day that my insurance actually went down. Significantly.
Hence, my confusion.
Let’s not confuse things here, though. I am not complaining about this perplexing state of affairs in any way. As a male under the age of 25, my insurance is already insanely high (don’t get me started on this little example of discrimination, I’m a good driver, I swear. At least as good as a 26-year-old guy) so learning that it went down makes me feel like I won the lottery. But still, it may just be that I can’t take a good thing for what it is, but I am still giving myself a headache trying to figure out how this happened.
Good for me, I suppose. But the question remains: did excessively fast driving over the last few years and finally being beaten over the head with the consequences really teach me anything?
Only time—and the cops with the radar guns on VanBuren street—will be able to say for sure.
I’m not going to say I will never speed again—I think I made record time driving to work on Tuesday—and I probably won’t be joining a Speeders Anonymous group of any kind and I will probably eventually receive another citation for some sort of road offence. I’m not going to lie, all of these things will most likely happen.
However, there are a few things that I will pledge to do/not do, based on the above experiences.
I will, for example, always pay tickets on time. Seriously, you don’t want to go through the financial and mental hassle of getting your license back. I will also, and I would recommend that anyone reading this also do this, never again speed down VanBuren. I recently interviewed the officer who gave me that fateful ticket (on an unrelated matter) and not only did he not offer to expunge that ticket from my record or reimburse the associated expenses (I guess I can’t blame him), he also informed me that he was planning to head back out there with his radar gun to catch some more unruly drivers. And finally, I will continue to be grateful to my insurance company for not forcing me to sell my car in order to pay for it.
By Christopher Hofley
Word of Mouth -- Published July 24, 2007
I’ve admitted it in this column before but there are certain situations that just leave me feeling baffled.
I currently find myself in such a situation: head-scratchingly so but in a good way.
I’m not pondering the existence of God, nor am I dissecting complicated algebra equations.
Instead, I have spent the last few days wondering why I am suddenly saving money on car insurance.
No, I didn’t switch to Geico. I can’t be that easily swayed by annoying and repetitive commercials. However, I apparently managed to permanently (I think) reduce my car insurance costs by seemingly doing everything in my power to make it go up.
Not intentionally, of course, but my track record when traveling by car isn’t exactly going to get me nominated by the Ministry of Tranportation’s sainthood program.
Though I’ve never caused a car accident, I have had to file a couple of insurance claims in the past to cover damage to my car (not my fault, honest). I have also had one or two speeding tickets (or four), one of which came courtesy of a Kemptville OPP officer on VanBuren Street (I know, you think I have written enough about speeding problems on that street to know better).
That last ticket, the Kemptville one, somehow managed to escape my mind for a few months, until the ministry thought it time to give me a kick in the bumper and sent me a warning.
Then it escaped my mind for a couple more months until, on one day when it was absolutely necessary for me to use my vehicle, I got yet another notice. Not a warning this time; my license had been officially suspended.
Yep, that was a pretty good day.
Anyway, it took me a few days to get it back–those of you who saw me walking around town for a couple days will understand—and I like to think the whole experience taught me a lesson. I just figured my insurance was going to go up.
Apparently not. In fact, I just learned the other day that my insurance actually went down. Significantly.
Hence, my confusion.
Let’s not confuse things here, though. I am not complaining about this perplexing state of affairs in any way. As a male under the age of 25, my insurance is already insanely high (don’t get me started on this little example of discrimination, I’m a good driver, I swear. At least as good as a 26-year-old guy) so learning that it went down makes me feel like I won the lottery. But still, it may just be that I can’t take a good thing for what it is, but I am still giving myself a headache trying to figure out how this happened.
Good for me, I suppose. But the question remains: did excessively fast driving over the last few years and finally being beaten over the head with the consequences really teach me anything?
Only time—and the cops with the radar guns on VanBuren street—will be able to say for sure.
I’m not going to say I will never speed again—I think I made record time driving to work on Tuesday—and I probably won’t be joining a Speeders Anonymous group of any kind and I will probably eventually receive another citation for some sort of road offence. I’m not going to lie, all of these things will most likely happen.
However, there are a few things that I will pledge to do/not do, based on the above experiences.
I will, for example, always pay tickets on time. Seriously, you don’t want to go through the financial and mental hassle of getting your license back. I will also, and I would recommend that anyone reading this also do this, never again speed down VanBuren. I recently interviewed the officer who gave me that fateful ticket (on an unrelated matter) and not only did he not offer to expunge that ticket from my record or reimburse the associated expenses (I guess I can’t blame him), he also informed me that he was planning to head back out there with his radar gun to catch some more unruly drivers. And finally, I will continue to be grateful to my insurance company for not forcing me to sell my car in order to pay for it.
Concept of drive-thru etiquette lost on many
I wrote this after spending a good 20 minutes waiting for my coffee in the Tim Hortons drive-thru. Once again, writing my column becomes an easy way for me to vent.
By Christopher Hofley
Word of Mouth -- Published August 24, 2007
"Can I take your order, please?
"Yes, one large coffee with milk, thank you."
"Can I take your order, please?"
"One double, double and a muffin, please."
"Can I take your order, please?"
"I'll have 4 coffees, and four sandwiches with the following..."
Oh, crap!
This is pretty much my average morning, generally taking place between 8:30 and 9 a.m. at either a Country Style or Tim Hortons.
Without fail, there will always be one genius in the group who decides to order the most complicated possible combination of things from a drive-thru and creating what has to be the most frustrating type of traffic jam in the history of the world – hungry gridlock.
There may not be any written rule or legal precedent compelling people to be considerate during the morning coffee rush, but let me offer one piece of advice to keep those angry, caffeine-deprived individuals from stealing your tires late at night.
This advice, while quite simple, is unfortunately widely disregarded: when visiting your neighbouring coffee shop during peak times, keep it simple at the drive-thru.
A coffee, a donut, orange juice and cookies are all acceptable orders that may be placed through that crackling square box.
A bagel with low-fat butter, three squirts of mayo, slices of moderately-ripened tomato and extra-crispy bacon are not.
I find it frustratingly bizarre to see so many people sitting at the drive-thru's menu board, trying to make up their minds about what to order when there is a line of 14 cars behind them.
The drive-thru, as far as I'm concerned, should be used by only two groups of people: those who have some sort of physical need where minimizing movement is of the utmost importance, and people with simple orders.
Have you ever driven past a Tim Hortons drive-thru, only to see an enormous lineup of cars idling their engines while they wait their turns? In this case, too often is there maybe one or two people inside placing their order at the counter.
It is hard to be sure if this is because people lack the type of thought process that allows them to say, "hmm, maybe it would be faster to go inside because there are less people there," or if it is because the average person is just lazy.
Is it really that taxing to park your car, get out and walk three feet to get your coffee? Doesn't seem like rocket science, but if it was as simple as it sounds, it wouldn't take 30 minutes of waiting in a drive-thru to get a coffee; people that want something simple could drive on through, while those who feel the need to order for their entire office could move it on inside.
People are becoming more reluctant to do anything that requires the smallest bit of physical effort. It's just a coffee; nobody is asking you to climb Mount Everest to get it, we're talking about walking from a parking lot to the front door of a building.
Just to be clear, I am not suggesting that it should be forbidden to place large, complicated orders from the drive-thru. I'm just saying pick your time to do so. If you are doing it at 3 p.m., chances are you won't create a log jam.
But out of respect for everyone else who needs a coffee – and if they are anything like me, they are totally nuts – keep it simple. The drive-thru could actually do what it was designed to do and become a convenient alternative.
By Christopher Hofley
Word of Mouth -- Published August 24, 2007
"Can I take your order, please?
"Yes, one large coffee with milk, thank you."
"Can I take your order, please?"
"One double, double and a muffin, please."
"Can I take your order, please?"
"I'll have 4 coffees, and four sandwiches with the following..."
Oh, crap!
This is pretty much my average morning, generally taking place between 8:30 and 9 a.m. at either a Country Style or Tim Hortons.
Without fail, there will always be one genius in the group who decides to order the most complicated possible combination of things from a drive-thru and creating what has to be the most frustrating type of traffic jam in the history of the world – hungry gridlock.
There may not be any written rule or legal precedent compelling people to be considerate during the morning coffee rush, but let me offer one piece of advice to keep those angry, caffeine-deprived individuals from stealing your tires late at night.
This advice, while quite simple, is unfortunately widely disregarded: when visiting your neighbouring coffee shop during peak times, keep it simple at the drive-thru.
A coffee, a donut, orange juice and cookies are all acceptable orders that may be placed through that crackling square box.
A bagel with low-fat butter, three squirts of mayo, slices of moderately-ripened tomato and extra-crispy bacon are not.
I find it frustratingly bizarre to see so many people sitting at the drive-thru's menu board, trying to make up their minds about what to order when there is a line of 14 cars behind them.
The drive-thru, as far as I'm concerned, should be used by only two groups of people: those who have some sort of physical need where minimizing movement is of the utmost importance, and people with simple orders.
Have you ever driven past a Tim Hortons drive-thru, only to see an enormous lineup of cars idling their engines while they wait their turns? In this case, too often is there maybe one or two people inside placing their order at the counter.
It is hard to be sure if this is because people lack the type of thought process that allows them to say, "hmm, maybe it would be faster to go inside because there are less people there," or if it is because the average person is just lazy.
Is it really that taxing to park your car, get out and walk three feet to get your coffee? Doesn't seem like rocket science, but if it was as simple as it sounds, it wouldn't take 30 minutes of waiting in a drive-thru to get a coffee; people that want something simple could drive on through, while those who feel the need to order for their entire office could move it on inside.
People are becoming more reluctant to do anything that requires the smallest bit of physical effort. It's just a coffee; nobody is asking you to climb Mount Everest to get it, we're talking about walking from a parking lot to the front door of a building.
Just to be clear, I am not suggesting that it should be forbidden to place large, complicated orders from the drive-thru. I'm just saying pick your time to do so. If you are doing it at 3 p.m., chances are you won't create a log jam.
But out of respect for everyone else who needs a coffee – and if they are anything like me, they are totally nuts – keep it simple. The drive-thru could actually do what it was designed to do and become a convenient alternative.
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